Yesterday I had a 12:30 appointment with the doctor and a 2:30 appointment with the hospital for the anesthesiologist, the Bariatric nurse, and others. We had to wait for the doctor and only got in to see him after 2:00. He was very encouraging and explicit. I trust him. He said the surgery may take as long as 4 hours. Later the Bariatric nurse said to allow 5 hours. Had to pay $4,000 yesterday.
Then we were sent to the Hospital check in and they only had ONE person working. The waiting area was full. I was in great pain from sitting on my motorized cart. It gets me where I need to go but is almost unbearably uncomfortable for more than an hour at a time. My pain level was over 10! We waited an hour there before moving to the next waiting place.
We then spent a lot of time with the Bariatric nurse and a nurse who will be caring for me. Another nurse came in and drew blood and checked vitals - the 4th time in the last 3 days. Good news: all is well.
Today I am on a liquid diet and will take an antibiotic presription which will result in cleaning out my system (read laxative).
Tomorow we will be at Northside Hospital, Atlanta at 5:30 am. The Vascular Surgeon will install a screen in my neck as a precaution against embollisms. Then the surgeon will laproscopically go into my abdomen and redesign my gut, creating a smaller pouch (stomach) and a smaller area of absorption of calories. I will then to to intensive care for the next 18 hours (after 2 hours in recover) and then to a room.
Only liquids for a month after surgery,.
Then only 2 oz. of food (mostly protien) 3 times a day, 3 protein shakes every day, 64 oz. of total daily fluid intake, daily chewable multible vitimin (Flintstone), daily Calcium supplement, daily chewable tums, and a monthly B12 injection for the rest of my life. No sugars, no carbs - ever.
What is the reward? First it is for this body to be 1/2 this size in about 12-18 months. Second, new knees at 300lbs. Third, greatly increased mobility and overall health. Very importantly, more good years with the most wonderful wife in the world, our most wonderful son and daughter in law and the only perfect grandchild in the universe. Finally, I do not think the Lord is through with me yet. I have a big responsibility for the Seminary in Venezuela. I still need to preach, write and teach.
So the surgery promises these possiblities. I am very aware of the risks and am at peace with that. I know I could die on the table, or have a crippling stroke or any number of unpleasant things could happen. My trust is in Jesus. I will either live in Jesus or die in Jesus, in which case I will live in Jesus. Not a bad deal, it you really think about it!
I appreciate you prayers.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wound Care
I have a wound care home nursing specialist coming to my house this morning at 9:00. It has only taken a week to get this done. Dealing with the medical community is so frustrating in America. However, I have been to several other countries and our system is so much better! I will take the aggravation in exchange for good care.
Anyway, I have chronic lymphedema with open wounds. What this means is my lower legs are swollen due to the fact that I cannot elevate my feet as a result of orthpedic and joint pain. So I sit up all the time. The swelling gets so bad the skin breaks down and "leaks." Fortuately, I have no inflections, just some open places that drain. The home health care nurse came for the first time on Monday and sprayed the wounds with saline solution and blotted them to clean them. She then said she did not know what to do and I needed the wound care nurse. There followed a comedy of errors by the company, but supposedly that nurse is coming today. Fortunately, my primary nurse (translated: wife) had already started using the saline and blotting just like the visiting nurse. So we are making progress.
Anyway, this is one of those things they say will clear up when I can get my legs elevated. I am fortunate that the circulation in my feet and legs is very good. That is a very good thing and promises rapid healing.
We are now counting downs the days of the last week in preparation for surgery. Monday we will visit the surgeon and the anesthesiologist in preparation for surgery. Tuesday I will cut my hair very short, completely shave my beard for the first time in 9 years and shave my chest for the first time ever! Wednesday morning, June 10 about 6 or 7 am we will check in and have surgery at 9, God willing. Bring it on!
In the meantime, I am most grateful for all the folks who are praying for me. It has been overwhelming to hear from so many people. I am blessed.
Anyway, I have chronic lymphedema with open wounds. What this means is my lower legs are swollen due to the fact that I cannot elevate my feet as a result of orthpedic and joint pain. So I sit up all the time. The swelling gets so bad the skin breaks down and "leaks." Fortuately, I have no inflections, just some open places that drain. The home health care nurse came for the first time on Monday and sprayed the wounds with saline solution and blotted them to clean them. She then said she did not know what to do and I needed the wound care nurse. There followed a comedy of errors by the company, but supposedly that nurse is coming today. Fortunately, my primary nurse (translated: wife) had already started using the saline and blotting just like the visiting nurse. So we are making progress.
Anyway, this is one of those things they say will clear up when I can get my legs elevated. I am fortunate that the circulation in my feet and legs is very good. That is a very good thing and promises rapid healing.
We are now counting downs the days of the last week in preparation for surgery. Monday we will visit the surgeon and the anesthesiologist in preparation for surgery. Tuesday I will cut my hair very short, completely shave my beard for the first time in 9 years and shave my chest for the first time ever! Wednesday morning, June 10 about 6 or 7 am we will check in and have surgery at 9, God willing. Bring it on!
In the meantime, I am most grateful for all the folks who are praying for me. It has been overwhelming to hear from so many people. I am blessed.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Blessed!
Blessed! That is the best way I can describe my life at this moment. Sure, there is still the inability to walk, the pain and the sense of uselessness. There are still some times of mild depression and blue periods of self pity.
However, I am so blessed. First of all, I am blessed with a wife, child and his family, his in-laws, my mother who genuinely care for me. I am especially blessed with a wife who devotes her life to caring for me.
I am also blessed with an overwhelming number of friends, colleagues and soul-mates who regularly call or write or visit and inquire of my condition and assure me of their prayers. Some call from out of state. Some visit from out of state. Some inquire from Venezuela. Everyone of them is praying for my surgery on June 10 at Northside Hospital in Atlanta.
So I am blessed. However, this weekend I sensed a new blessing in the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. There is a tenderness of soul that is indicative in my life that God is working on me. It seems there will be some spiritual surgery to go along with the physical surgery.
In about a week I will voluntarily lay my life on a table before a man with a knife and tools beyond my comprehension. He will (I hope!) do all he can to improve and enhance my life. But to do that, he will actually injure me, cut on me and do other things that I do not want to contemplate.
In preparation for that surgery I am aware of the Great Physician doing his pre-surgery getting me ready for that day. I trust him completely and know he only wants what is for my good.
I do not know what the physical outcome of the surgery will be on June 10. However, I know in that surgical suite will be a number of doctors, but none more powerful and more competent and more loving than the Great Physician. His name is Jesus, Messiah, Lamb of God, Alpha and Omega, the great I Am, Savior, Lord, Prince of Peace...
Blessed.
However, I am so blessed. First of all, I am blessed with a wife, child and his family, his in-laws, my mother who genuinely care for me. I am especially blessed with a wife who devotes her life to caring for me.
I am also blessed with an overwhelming number of friends, colleagues and soul-mates who regularly call or write or visit and inquire of my condition and assure me of their prayers. Some call from out of state. Some visit from out of state. Some inquire from Venezuela. Everyone of them is praying for my surgery on June 10 at Northside Hospital in Atlanta.
So I am blessed. However, this weekend I sensed a new blessing in the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. There is a tenderness of soul that is indicative in my life that God is working on me. It seems there will be some spiritual surgery to go along with the physical surgery.
In about a week I will voluntarily lay my life on a table before a man with a knife and tools beyond my comprehension. He will (I hope!) do all he can to improve and enhance my life. But to do that, he will actually injure me, cut on me and do other things that I do not want to contemplate.
In preparation for that surgery I am aware of the Great Physician doing his pre-surgery getting me ready for that day. I trust him completely and know he only wants what is for my good.
I do not know what the physical outcome of the surgery will be on June 10. However, I know in that surgical suite will be a number of doctors, but none more powerful and more competent and more loving than the Great Physician. His name is Jesus, Messiah, Lamb of God, Alpha and Omega, the great I Am, Savior, Lord, Prince of Peace...
Blessed.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Answered Prayer
A few days ago my pain level was 10+. No more Ibuprofen and no other pharmaceutical help. I could not sleep, the joint pain was unbearable and the pain in my legs from the effects of swelling was excruciating. We got the drugs and we got a recliner. One night of reprieve. Then it actually got worse.
For several days I could not rest and was in severe pain. I was at my wits end. My wife was at her wits end trying to find some relief for me. Then without my knowledge, she sent out a prayer request to several good friends.
Yesterday and today have been remarkably different.While I am not pain free, the pain level is usually about a 3 or 4. What a difference!
Most of my life has been spent praying for others. I have also always had people praying for me. There have been several specific times of answered prayer. This is the latest. And I thank God for his goodness and grace and I thank those who have prayed.
Alfred Loyd Tennyson wrote: "More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of." Yes, and Jesus said, "You have not because you ask not." Answered prayer, one of the many blessings of being a disciple of Jesus. "Thank you, Lord!"
For several days I could not rest and was in severe pain. I was at my wits end. My wife was at her wits end trying to find some relief for me. Then without my knowledge, she sent out a prayer request to several good friends.
Yesterday and today have been remarkably different.While I am not pain free, the pain level is usually about a 3 or 4. What a difference!
Most of my life has been spent praying for others. I have also always had people praying for me. There have been several specific times of answered prayer. This is the latest. And I thank God for his goodness and grace and I thank those who have prayed.
Alfred Loyd Tennyson wrote: "More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of." Yes, and Jesus said, "You have not because you ask not." Answered prayer, one of the many blessings of being a disciple of Jesus. "Thank you, Lord!"
Sunday, May 24, 2009
A Good Night
Sometimes I use this forum to vent my pain and frustration. Since it is my blog, I guess that is OK. Anyway, I am not normally a negative person. I have always been optimistic. When confronted with a problem my natural inclination is to look for a solution rather than waste a lot of time bemoaning the problem.
So, in an attempt to be more true to my nature I want simply to say, "I had a good night!" That means I slept in my NEW recliner for over 4 hours and then slept another 3 hours in my old chair. That may not seem like much to "normal" people, but given my recent experience, this was an exceptional night.
Confession: 2 Lortab and 2 Ambian. Regrets? Absolutely none.
For the first 45 years of my life, sleep was normal. While I never required many hours of sleep, I did at least sleep through the night and awakened refreshed and ready for a new day and a new opportunity. Then my (our) life changed forever. Our son was killed.
I did not sleep at all that night. I have not slept normally since. I might sleep an hour, stay awake three or four hours and then sleep another hour or two. Some nights I did not sleep at all. Many nights I would sit up on the side of the bed and nap until my neck would break, figuratively. Usually, I would just give up and go in the den and read or watch TV. It was during these years that I realized I did not need Premium Cable Channels. I would be watch something on Cinemax, fall alseep, and wake up staring at porn. I discovered why our son called Cinemax, Skinemax. So we canceled those channels.
Even during all these years I managed to get some sleep. But for the last 6 months, sleep has been an even more illusive target. My Pulmonologist says I do not have sleep apnea, the suspected culprit for everyone who learned of my difficully sleeping. Apparently, fat folks have a high rate of sleep apnea, and since I am fat... simple diagnosis from prejudiced perspective. But that is another issue.
Now, back to last night. Slept. Thank the Lord, drugs and my good wife for finding the recliner.
So, in an attempt to be more true to my nature I want simply to say, "I had a good night!" That means I slept in my NEW recliner for over 4 hours and then slept another 3 hours in my old chair. That may not seem like much to "normal" people, but given my recent experience, this was an exceptional night.
Confession: 2 Lortab and 2 Ambian. Regrets? Absolutely none.
For the first 45 years of my life, sleep was normal. While I never required many hours of sleep, I did at least sleep through the night and awakened refreshed and ready for a new day and a new opportunity. Then my (our) life changed forever. Our son was killed.
I did not sleep at all that night. I have not slept normally since. I might sleep an hour, stay awake three or four hours and then sleep another hour or two. Some nights I did not sleep at all. Many nights I would sit up on the side of the bed and nap until my neck would break, figuratively. Usually, I would just give up and go in the den and read or watch TV. It was during these years that I realized I did not need Premium Cable Channels. I would be watch something on Cinemax, fall alseep, and wake up staring at porn. I discovered why our son called Cinemax, Skinemax. So we canceled those channels.
Even during all these years I managed to get some sleep. But for the last 6 months, sleep has been an even more illusive target. My Pulmonologist says I do not have sleep apnea, the suspected culprit for everyone who learned of my difficully sleeping. Apparently, fat folks have a high rate of sleep apnea, and since I am fat... simple diagnosis from prejudiced perspective. But that is another issue.
Now, back to last night. Slept. Thank the Lord, drugs and my good wife for finding the recliner.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The Life of a Druggie
Yesterday I called the surgeon's nurse to see if they would approve giving me some Vicatin as recommended to me by my Insurance Nurse. Of course, I had to wait to hear. Finally, about 1pm she called me back and told me Vicatin would be fine and have my Internist write me a prescription. I asked if the surgeon couldn't do that since it was Friday afternoon. "Nope."
I called the Internist's office. Of course, I could not speak with his nurse, but had to leave a message. At 4:45 on a Friday afternoon, I still had no return call. So I called again. After another 1/2 hour I got the nicest call from his nurse telling me he had approved it and she had called it in to our pharmacist. She said to wait about a hour and check.
So we waited the prescribed time and then called. "No, we have not received anything." Of course, by now the Doctor's office is closed. So my loving wife called the pharmacy about an hour later and they did receive the prescription. By that time, I had already had to take some Ibuprophen. So we waited until this morning and she retrieved the drugs.
I was able to hold off on taking anything until 3:30. Then I took one Lortab (I have no idea who decided to switch or it this is just a matter of different names for the same thing). Actually, what I got was generic for Lortab, Hydrocodone APAP, 5-500mg. I can take one or two every 4 to 6 hours.
Now here is the interesting thing. 17 days remaining. If I took the maximum dosage prescribed every four hours, that would be 24 pills per day. The prescription is for 30 and no refills. So I guess I will carefully ration them and try to make them last until June 10. Then I get the heavy duty drugs!
Anyway, folks are very encouraging and supportive. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is the proverbial train! So, 17 and counting...
By the way, as I write this our son has just compeleted his school for a License to Minister. He will ber appointed to serve his first church in June. God is good!
I called the Internist's office. Of course, I could not speak with his nurse, but had to leave a message. At 4:45 on a Friday afternoon, I still had no return call. So I called again. After another 1/2 hour I got the nicest call from his nurse telling me he had approved it and she had called it in to our pharmacist. She said to wait about a hour and check.
So we waited the prescribed time and then called. "No, we have not received anything." Of course, by now the Doctor's office is closed. So my loving wife called the pharmacy about an hour later and they did receive the prescription. By that time, I had already had to take some Ibuprophen. So we waited until this morning and she retrieved the drugs.
I was able to hold off on taking anything until 3:30. Then I took one Lortab (I have no idea who decided to switch or it this is just a matter of different names for the same thing). Actually, what I got was generic for Lortab, Hydrocodone APAP, 5-500mg. I can take one or two every 4 to 6 hours.
Now here is the interesting thing. 17 days remaining. If I took the maximum dosage prescribed every four hours, that would be 24 pills per day. The prescription is for 30 and no refills. So I guess I will carefully ration them and try to make them last until June 10. Then I get the heavy duty drugs!
Anyway, folks are very encouraging and supportive. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is the proverbial train! So, 17 and counting...
By the way, as I write this our son has just compeleted his school for a License to Minister. He will ber appointed to serve his first church in June. God is good!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
Yesterday, I posted about the wonder chair and the 6 hours I slept in it. Celebration. However, I have also had to cease taking Ibuprofen in preparation for surgery and will not be able to take it following surgery. I also have some lesions on the back of my calves as a result of all the swelling due to not being able to elevate my feet. Those had about gone away.
Skip to yesterday afternoon. I decided to try the recliner again. With no Ibuprofen, I was aching pretty badly. What I did not realize was having my calves on the recliner opened the healed lesions. PAIN!!! I toughed it our for almost 3 hours, then had to get up and return to my old chair. However, the calves were on fire and the joint pain absent the medication was intolerable.
I spent the next 4 hours in absolute misery. I considered going to the hospital, the pain was so severe. However, I needed a shower and at that point that was impossible. So I succumbed to Pure Grain Alcohol. Not really! But I thought about it. Instead, I found one pain pill left from surgery several months ago, I had taken Extra Strength Tylenol (useless) So I finally broke down and took 4 Ibuprofen. On top of that I took 2 Ambian (one is the normal dosage).
I have never abused legal or illegal drugs. In fact, until recently I seldom took even an aspirin or Ibuprofen. However, I have discovered when the pain gets beyond endurance, I will give in and do something that may not be smart, but offers relief.
I soon went to sleep. I slept straight through the night (except for a couple of bathroom breaks) and woke up this morning ready to do some work and with a much more positive attitude. I also called the doctor's (surgeon) office to see what they can prescribe for this joint pain. My Insurance nurse had recommended Vicadin. I am waiting on a return call from his nurse. I have to find something in lieu of Ibuprophen.
Today, I have hope and actually think I may survive this. Late yesterday afternoon I was not so sure and even not sure I wanted to. Pain is diabolical.
Most people diagnose overeating as medicating pain. Maybe it is. I just have never been able to identify the source of the pain. I have spoken with several psychologists, psychiatrists, pastoral counselors, nutritionists, 12-Step professionals, medical specialists, and friends and I still am not able to diagnose the reason for my obesity based on identifying the pain.
However, I know the source of the pain yesterday. Arthritis! I want drugs! Maybe I do have a problem with over-medicating? If I do, send the drugs!
Skip to yesterday afternoon. I decided to try the recliner again. With no Ibuprofen, I was aching pretty badly. What I did not realize was having my calves on the recliner opened the healed lesions. PAIN!!! I toughed it our for almost 3 hours, then had to get up and return to my old chair. However, the calves were on fire and the joint pain absent the medication was intolerable.
I spent the next 4 hours in absolute misery. I considered going to the hospital, the pain was so severe. However, I needed a shower and at that point that was impossible. So I succumbed to Pure Grain Alcohol. Not really! But I thought about it. Instead, I found one pain pill left from surgery several months ago, I had taken Extra Strength Tylenol (useless) So I finally broke down and took 4 Ibuprofen. On top of that I took 2 Ambian (one is the normal dosage).
I have never abused legal or illegal drugs. In fact, until recently I seldom took even an aspirin or Ibuprofen. However, I have discovered when the pain gets beyond endurance, I will give in and do something that may not be smart, but offers relief.
I soon went to sleep. I slept straight through the night (except for a couple of bathroom breaks) and woke up this morning ready to do some work and with a much more positive attitude. I also called the doctor's (surgeon) office to see what they can prescribe for this joint pain. My Insurance nurse had recommended Vicadin. I am waiting on a return call from his nurse. I have to find something in lieu of Ibuprophen.
Today, I have hope and actually think I may survive this. Late yesterday afternoon I was not so sure and even not sure I wanted to. Pain is diabolical.
Most people diagnose overeating as medicating pain. Maybe it is. I just have never been able to identify the source of the pain. I have spoken with several psychologists, psychiatrists, pastoral counselors, nutritionists, 12-Step professionals, medical specialists, and friends and I still am not able to diagnose the reason for my obesity based on identifying the pain.
However, I know the source of the pain yesterday. Arthritis! I want drugs! Maybe I do have a problem with over-medicating? If I do, send the drugs!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Celebrate!
My loving wife kept trying and finally found a recliner that works! I actually slept for 6 hours last night. More importantly, my feet were elevated for 6 hours, the first time I have been able to elevate them in 8 months. What a blessing. This was the third chair and a hospital bed tried in this search. She did not give up. I am blessed.
Now, excuse me while I take a nap.
Now, excuse me while I take a nap.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Waiting...
Well, its been a slow time around here. I did go to the hospital last week for an ultrasound on my legs to check for trombones, or was it Thrombosis? Anyway, neither were found. I understand this is a good thing.
Actually the Surgeon had sent me to a Vascular Surgeon who will be in the operating room. As soon as I am "under" he will install a screen or filter in my carotid artery or jugular vein (I can't remember which). This is a precaution just in case a blood clot were to form or break loose during or soon after surgery. There is no indication that will be a problem, but the precaution is wise. A surgeon friend was pleased they would be doing this. Anyway, the Vascular Surgeon wanted the ultrasound as a baseline for his work in surgery.
This week I talked with the registration nurse at the Hospital. This is to handle all the pre-registration stuff so when I go in on June 10 all we have to do is sign some forms. She also questioned me as to readiness for surgery. She seemed most pleased with my current state. She did tell me to take no more Ibuprophen. It acts as a bloodthinner. Apparently, having thin blood is not good during surgery.
I have nothing else I can take for arthritis pain control, so I am already in some severe pain. I will call the surgeon today to see if there is anything other than Tylenol. It is of absolutely no value.
Today we take delivery of a new recliner. This will be the third one we have tried to provide me with some relief and to elevate my feet. We also tried a hospital bed. Nothing has worked so far. I am confined to my big leather chair and am unable to lean back or elevate my feet. I sincerely hope this will work. My "sitter" is about worn out after being in this chair 24/7 for the last 8 months.
I have also investigated both an excercise pool and a recumbant bike. I will need to do some serious excercise after this surgery. The excercise pool has the following obstacles to overcome: 1) The pool will cost about $25,000. 2) It has to be indoors which means I will have construct a space for another $25,000-$50,000. 3) I have not yet figured out how to get into and out of the pool while I am still immobile.
The recumbant bike simply is not on the market for me. I have done extensive internet research and have been unsuccessful finding the right product. I have to have a "walk-through" or "pass through" model with a swivel seat. Nothing yet.
Since I am trying to be totally honest on this blog, I need to say I am dealing with some mild depression for the first time in my life, other than for a brief time following the death of a child. I realized it last night when I was awake again in the middle of the night, unable to sleep and in some real pain. Before I knew it, my random free thinking had me working out taking an OD of sleeping pills and wondering if I could wait until Friday night since our son is returning from an out of town trip on Saturday.
Fortunately, as soon as I realized I had actually thought this, I "shook" myself back to conciousness. I have dealt with many suicides in 37 years of ministry. It is the most selfish thing a person could do and totally contrary to the Gospel. I would not do that. However, the fact that I thought of it in a semi-conciuous state shook me to be fully awake. This depression is something I must be aware of and guard against before surgery and especially afterward. It is also something I need to be unashamed to admit if and when it raises its head again.
What do I have to look forward to? I fully expect to loose 200-250lbs over the next 12 months. I expect some vastly increased mobility. I expect being able to travel back to our seminary in Venezuela. I expect to be able to go to family gatherings. Most of all, I want to go back to church! I want to sing in an ensemble or a choir. I want to be able to teach and preach again. That has been my life for 37 years and I am not ready to completely leave it behind.
Now my fiirst goal is to be able to go to the bathroom by myself! TMI? Sorry. Welcome to my world.
Actually the Surgeon had sent me to a Vascular Surgeon who will be in the operating room. As soon as I am "under" he will install a screen or filter in my carotid artery or jugular vein (I can't remember which). This is a precaution just in case a blood clot were to form or break loose during or soon after surgery. There is no indication that will be a problem, but the precaution is wise. A surgeon friend was pleased they would be doing this. Anyway, the Vascular Surgeon wanted the ultrasound as a baseline for his work in surgery.
This week I talked with the registration nurse at the Hospital. This is to handle all the pre-registration stuff so when I go in on June 10 all we have to do is sign some forms. She also questioned me as to readiness for surgery. She seemed most pleased with my current state. She did tell me to take no more Ibuprophen. It acts as a bloodthinner. Apparently, having thin blood is not good during surgery.
I have nothing else I can take for arthritis pain control, so I am already in some severe pain. I will call the surgeon today to see if there is anything other than Tylenol. It is of absolutely no value.
Today we take delivery of a new recliner. This will be the third one we have tried to provide me with some relief and to elevate my feet. We also tried a hospital bed. Nothing has worked so far. I am confined to my big leather chair and am unable to lean back or elevate my feet. I sincerely hope this will work. My "sitter" is about worn out after being in this chair 24/7 for the last 8 months.
I have also investigated both an excercise pool and a recumbant bike. I will need to do some serious excercise after this surgery. The excercise pool has the following obstacles to overcome: 1) The pool will cost about $25,000. 2) It has to be indoors which means I will have construct a space for another $25,000-$50,000. 3) I have not yet figured out how to get into and out of the pool while I am still immobile.
The recumbant bike simply is not on the market for me. I have done extensive internet research and have been unsuccessful finding the right product. I have to have a "walk-through" or "pass through" model with a swivel seat. Nothing yet.
Since I am trying to be totally honest on this blog, I need to say I am dealing with some mild depression for the first time in my life, other than for a brief time following the death of a child. I realized it last night when I was awake again in the middle of the night, unable to sleep and in some real pain. Before I knew it, my random free thinking had me working out taking an OD of sleeping pills and wondering if I could wait until Friday night since our son is returning from an out of town trip on Saturday.
Fortunately, as soon as I realized I had actually thought this, I "shook" myself back to conciousness. I have dealt with many suicides in 37 years of ministry. It is the most selfish thing a person could do and totally contrary to the Gospel. I would not do that. However, the fact that I thought of it in a semi-conciuous state shook me to be fully awake. This depression is something I must be aware of and guard against before surgery and especially afterward. It is also something I need to be unashamed to admit if and when it raises its head again.
What do I have to look forward to? I fully expect to loose 200-250lbs over the next 12 months. I expect some vastly increased mobility. I expect being able to travel back to our seminary in Venezuela. I expect to be able to go to family gatherings. Most of all, I want to go back to church! I want to sing in an ensemble or a choir. I want to be able to teach and preach again. That has been my life for 37 years and I am not ready to completely leave it behind.
Now my fiirst goal is to be able to go to the bathroom by myself! TMI? Sorry. Welcome to my world.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Vascular Surgeon and Eternity
Yesterday I visited a Vascular Surgeon who will place a stint in my neck while I am on the Operating Table. The intent is to prevent a blood clot moving to my heart or lungs during surgery.
Next week I go to the hospital to have an ultra sound done on my lower legs to provide a baseline for the doctors to examine before and after surgery. All of this is as precaution to limit the possibility of complications during or following surgery. I appreciate their caution and prevention.
I also know there is a "moderate" chance of serious complications including death. I also face the possibility of a debilitating stroke. I face the possibility of getting phlebitis. There are many other lessor risks. However, I am sure I am doing the right thing. I must either get better or face unacceptable consequences.
I should have done this two or three years ago at least. I had two reasons: 1) I did not have time. I was too busy. 2) I was afraid and not desperate enough to face the fear.
Now I feel I have no choice. I either face the fear or or die. I may still die. However, I am not promised tomorrow. I know that. I will choose to trust God. I will choose to face this with the confidence of one who has been saved by grace. I will choose to face this as a child of the King. I will choose to face this as one who has been to the darkest place in life and was brought out by the Eternal Light. I will choose to face this whether I live or whether I die, my life is in the hands of Jesus, the nail-scarred hands. I will live. Probably for a little longer here. If not, then sooner or later, there where there is no more crying, no more suffering, no more pain, where the Tree of Life is in eternal bloom.
Next week I go to the hospital to have an ultra sound done on my lower legs to provide a baseline for the doctors to examine before and after surgery. All of this is as precaution to limit the possibility of complications during or following surgery. I appreciate their caution and prevention.
I also know there is a "moderate" chance of serious complications including death. I also face the possibility of a debilitating stroke. I face the possibility of getting phlebitis. There are many other lessor risks. However, I am sure I am doing the right thing. I must either get better or face unacceptable consequences.
I should have done this two or three years ago at least. I had two reasons: 1) I did not have time. I was too busy. 2) I was afraid and not desperate enough to face the fear.
Now I feel I have no choice. I either face the fear or or die. I may still die. However, I am not promised tomorrow. I know that. I will choose to trust God. I will choose to face this with the confidence of one who has been saved by grace. I will choose to face this as a child of the King. I will choose to face this as one who has been to the darkest place in life and was brought out by the Eternal Light. I will choose to face this whether I live or whether I die, my life is in the hands of Jesus, the nail-scarred hands. I will live. Probably for a little longer here. If not, then sooner or later, there where there is no more crying, no more suffering, no more pain, where the Tree of Life is in eternal bloom.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
A date certain - Maybe
June 10 is the date the surgeon has set for my surgery. While I am not happy to have to wait that long, it is beyond my control. I might as well get happy. I am happy that as far as I know, all hurdles have been overcome.
I will have to pay $1500 to satisfy the insurance company and $2500 to satisfy the doctor. Everything else will be covered, or so they say. So we will have $4000 out of pocket expense up front. I am most thankful we can pay this through the blessing of God. However, that is a prohibitive amount for many people.
I also have to meet with three different doctors to get all the pre-operative work done. We start on those appointments next week. More hoops, but as I understand it, these are not approval hoops, but implementation hoops. That is OK.
The reason the surgery is delayed until June 10 is because it is the first day the surgeon has completely open. He intends for me to be the only surgery that day. I am of moderate risk due to my size, so he wants to be able to give me his full attention. That is a good thing and worth waiting for. While I do not expect any complications, I am very aware of some of the risks inherent in this surgery. However, my quality of like issues make the risk/reward equation one I am most comfortable with.
My wife and son and family will have to reach their own peace with these risks. I hope they are fully informed and cognizant of the possibilities. I will ask the surgeon to be most explicit with my wife at our pre-surgery appointment.
So, on May 6 we will meet with one of the surgeons who will be in the operating room. On May 18 we talk by phone with the bariatric nurse at the hospital. Then on June 8 we meet with the surgeon then with the anesthesiologist. Then about 6 or 7 am on June 10 we will show up for the surgery. Normally the hospital stay is 3 days. That's about all I know.
I will have to pay $1500 to satisfy the insurance company and $2500 to satisfy the doctor. Everything else will be covered, or so they say. So we will have $4000 out of pocket expense up front. I am most thankful we can pay this through the blessing of God. However, that is a prohibitive amount for many people.
I also have to meet with three different doctors to get all the pre-operative work done. We start on those appointments next week. More hoops, but as I understand it, these are not approval hoops, but implementation hoops. That is OK.
The reason the surgery is delayed until June 10 is because it is the first day the surgeon has completely open. He intends for me to be the only surgery that day. I am of moderate risk due to my size, so he wants to be able to give me his full attention. That is a good thing and worth waiting for. While I do not expect any complications, I am very aware of some of the risks inherent in this surgery. However, my quality of like issues make the risk/reward equation one I am most comfortable with.
My wife and son and family will have to reach their own peace with these risks. I hope they are fully informed and cognizant of the possibilities. I will ask the surgeon to be most explicit with my wife at our pre-surgery appointment.
So, on May 6 we will meet with one of the surgeons who will be in the operating room. On May 18 we talk by phone with the bariatric nurse at the hospital. Then on June 8 we meet with the surgeon then with the anesthesiologist. Then about 6 or 7 am on June 10 we will show up for the surgery. Normally the hospital stay is 3 days. That's about all I know.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
14 days only
No, we do not have a date for the surgery. However, we do have an answer for the H-pylori treatment. 14 days. I took the last of the PrevPak of antibiotics this morning. So I am supposed to be H-pylori free. Thank God this was diagnosed and treated before I had any symptoms. This often leads to ulcers and can lead to stomach cancer.
So now we wait. Of course, no one has called me back regarding the date. I will call again later today.
In the meantime, I have developed a good regimen of water intake. I usually get a full gallon in. Some days a pint short. But usually a gallon or more. Still working on it, but it is becoming habitual. Maybe I will have one good habit in my life!
So now we wait. Of course, no one has called me back regarding the date. I will call again later today.
In the meantime, I have developed a good regimen of water intake. I usually get a full gallon in. Some days a pint short. But usually a gallon or more. Still working on it, but it is becoming habitual. Maybe I will have one good habit in my life!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Delays
I talked to the Surgeon's nurse today and she said it would probably June 10 before I can have surgery. There is still a chance for May 13, but doubtful. This is due to the surgeon's schedule. We are praying for an early date, but our times are in His hands.
Also, as stated previously, the treatment for H-pylori bacteria is 14 days of antibiotics. I have taken the 14 days of medicine, but have enough for 14 more. I assumed the doctor either wrote the prescription incorrectly or the pharmacy made a mistake. But JUST IN CASE I asked the nurse to get clarification for me. We spoke at 9:45 am. It is 5:41 and I have heard nothing. So I will keep taking the stuff until I hear differently.
I was also to hear again today from the nurse re surgical date. I will have to call again tomorrow. Ugh!
Also, as stated previously, the treatment for H-pylori bacteria is 14 days of antibiotics. I have taken the 14 days of medicine, but have enough for 14 more. I assumed the doctor either wrote the prescription incorrectly or the pharmacy made a mistake. But JUST IN CASE I asked the nurse to get clarification for me. We spoke at 9:45 am. It is 5:41 and I have heard nothing. So I will keep taking the stuff until I hear differently.
I was also to hear again today from the nurse re surgical date. I will have to call again tomorrow. Ugh!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Limbo
We wait. We wait for a call from the nurse. We wait for a date for the surgery. We wait for the beginning of a significant change.
Sometimes it seems all we do is wait. I guess I am paying for all those times I prayed for patience. Ok. I get it, Lord. I will wait. I am thankful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I am really blessed. So, I wait. Oh, did I say I am waiting?
Sometimes it seems all we do is wait. I guess I am paying for all those times I prayed for patience. Ok. I get it, Lord. I will wait. I am thankful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I am really blessed. So, I wait. Oh, did I say I am waiting?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Heart OK
I finally heard from the Cardiologist and the echo cardiogram revealed no problems. Now I wait for the surgery date.
A nurse called yesterday from my insurance company. It was a nurse I had not spoken with before. She asked a lost of health status questions. She finally said, "You really are fortunate that nothing more is wrong with you."
I guess it is a matter of perspective. However, other than obesity, knees, arthritis and high blood pressure controlled by medication, I seem to be OK. Usually, health care professionals are surprised that I do not have cardiac problems, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, diabetes, sleep apnea, other serious ailments.
Of course, for most of my life, if I went to the doctor the cause of my problem was obesity. I discovered that is the refuge of lazy or prejudiced doctors. Just as many doctors do not take the ailments of the elderly seriously, so many do not take seriously the ailments of the obese. They name the easy culprit and tell you if you loose weight, that will solve your problem. And for most of them losing weight is simply "pushing back" in one form or other.
I am grateful I have found some doctors who look a little deeper and do not take the easy diagnosis of obesity. These people actually see me as a person and not just a fat person.
About 12 years ago my wife and I spent 3 weeks at the Pritikin Center in Santa Monica. The trip was a gift from a very loving friend. Our first full day at this "fat farm" was consumed with a thorough physical. The next day we had to see the doctor on staff so he could review our physical condition and recommend a diet and exercise program. I went into his office and sat in front a a man about 50 who was about 5'8" and probably weighed 130lbs. He looked at my file for obviously the first time and after a long exasperated sigh said, "Damn!" (I thought then he would tell me I was dying.) He went on to say, "I've been eating this rabbit food for years and your numbers are better than mine (except for weight, of course).
About 6 years ago I went to an annual meeting in a church where I presided. Afterward a retired physician came up to me and with the haughtiness the obese are accustomed to said, "Do you know you have gross morbid obesity?" I must confess my first thought was to blurt out, "No S____! I never looked in a mirror. Do I really?" Of course, I said "Yes, I am aware of that and thank you for telling me."
Such is the common experiences of the obese. Add to this the pointing fingers, the stares, the laughter, the obvious disdain, the judgementalism, the hostility, the prejudice, the rudeness, the blame game and all the rest and you will know something about what it is to be obese. Some of us with healthy egos (some say its too healthy!) can usually shrug it off. But we lie if we do not admit it hurts. And it has hurt me from early childhood.
The most hurtful comment came from an older cousin 50 years ago when he called me, "Turtle Bucket." I still do not know what a turtle bucket is, but I knew he was ridiculing me for being fat. The fact that he was a bully and cruel to everyone made no difference. I only knew at that time he was cruel to me.
There is also the assumption that if you are truly obese, there is some terrible trauma in your early life that caused it. You eat to medicate that pain. This may be true. However, in several counseling sessions, in and out patient programs and genuine self-examination in the greatest honesty I can generate before God, I have never been able to identify a trauma on which to place blame. Sometimes I wish there was something. Then I could escape responsibility. It would be someone else's fault. But I can't find that excuse.
I do not know why I am fat, other that my remarkably slow metabolism. I know I eat too much. This is I eat more than my body burns. But one of the most frustrating things is to know friends for years, some for life, who have always eaten more than me and are not fat.
The other reason for obesity always noted is laziness, or a sedimentary life style. That is not me - at least until I got crippled. I have always been a person of high energy, great work ethic and numerous activities and interests. The popular attitude toward the obese is they do nothing but sit at home, binge on high caloric foods and watch TV. Ain't so. At least for me.
So we live with the judgement and the prejudice from the general public, our doctors and often our own family. That is the experience of all who are significantly obese.
Now, Doc, lets get this turned around for a change! My heart is ready for it - and the pumping muscle is too.
A nurse called yesterday from my insurance company. It was a nurse I had not spoken with before. She asked a lost of health status questions. She finally said, "You really are fortunate that nothing more is wrong with you."
I guess it is a matter of perspective. However, other than obesity, knees, arthritis and high blood pressure controlled by medication, I seem to be OK. Usually, health care professionals are surprised that I do not have cardiac problems, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, diabetes, sleep apnea, other serious ailments.
Of course, for most of my life, if I went to the doctor the cause of my problem was obesity. I discovered that is the refuge of lazy or prejudiced doctors. Just as many doctors do not take the ailments of the elderly seriously, so many do not take seriously the ailments of the obese. They name the easy culprit and tell you if you loose weight, that will solve your problem. And for most of them losing weight is simply "pushing back" in one form or other.
I am grateful I have found some doctors who look a little deeper and do not take the easy diagnosis of obesity. These people actually see me as a person and not just a fat person.
About 12 years ago my wife and I spent 3 weeks at the Pritikin Center in Santa Monica. The trip was a gift from a very loving friend. Our first full day at this "fat farm" was consumed with a thorough physical. The next day we had to see the doctor on staff so he could review our physical condition and recommend a diet and exercise program. I went into his office and sat in front a a man about 50 who was about 5'8" and probably weighed 130lbs. He looked at my file for obviously the first time and after a long exasperated sigh said, "Damn!" (I thought then he would tell me I was dying.) He went on to say, "I've been eating this rabbit food for years and your numbers are better than mine (except for weight, of course).
About 6 years ago I went to an annual meeting in a church where I presided. Afterward a retired physician came up to me and with the haughtiness the obese are accustomed to said, "Do you know you have gross morbid obesity?" I must confess my first thought was to blurt out, "No S____! I never looked in a mirror. Do I really?" Of course, I said "Yes, I am aware of that and thank you for telling me."
Such is the common experiences of the obese. Add to this the pointing fingers, the stares, the laughter, the obvious disdain, the judgementalism, the hostility, the prejudice, the rudeness, the blame game and all the rest and you will know something about what it is to be obese. Some of us with healthy egos (some say its too healthy!) can usually shrug it off. But we lie if we do not admit it hurts. And it has hurt me from early childhood.
The most hurtful comment came from an older cousin 50 years ago when he called me, "Turtle Bucket." I still do not know what a turtle bucket is, but I knew he was ridiculing me for being fat. The fact that he was a bully and cruel to everyone made no difference. I only knew at that time he was cruel to me.
There is also the assumption that if you are truly obese, there is some terrible trauma in your early life that caused it. You eat to medicate that pain. This may be true. However, in several counseling sessions, in and out patient programs and genuine self-examination in the greatest honesty I can generate before God, I have never been able to identify a trauma on which to place blame. Sometimes I wish there was something. Then I could escape responsibility. It would be someone else's fault. But I can't find that excuse.
I do not know why I am fat, other that my remarkably slow metabolism. I know I eat too much. This is I eat more than my body burns. But one of the most frustrating things is to know friends for years, some for life, who have always eaten more than me and are not fat.
The other reason for obesity always noted is laziness, or a sedimentary life style. That is not me - at least until I got crippled. I have always been a person of high energy, great work ethic and numerous activities and interests. The popular attitude toward the obese is they do nothing but sit at home, binge on high caloric foods and watch TV. Ain't so. At least for me.
So we live with the judgement and the prejudice from the general public, our doctors and often our own family. That is the experience of all who are significantly obese.
Now, Doc, lets get this turned around for a change! My heart is ready for it - and the pumping muscle is too.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Progress
Well, after months of jumping through hoops we finally received the formal approval for surgery from the insurance company. I am grateful for the insurance because without it I would not be able to have this surgery. I am also thankful to my denominational judicatory for providing such good insurance. I am not thankful for all the red tape...but that's just my problem.
I spoke to the surgeon's office yesterday and was told we are ready for surgery as soon as I finish the PrevPac antibiotics (about one more week) We are working on a schedule for surgery. It will probably be early in May. May be my 57th birthday present! Only one more hurdle, apparently. The Cardiologist has not given the surgeon the report from the echo cardiogram. I have to call them today to get that report submitted. I assume I am not dying of heart disease since they did this test a week ago and I have heard nothing. We'll see.
Anyway, it looks like this may actually happen. Its been a long journey - over a year since I made the decision to have the surgery. Now to get the insurance company to pay for a therapeutic indoor pool. That will go over big at Conference!
I spoke to the surgeon's office yesterday and was told we are ready for surgery as soon as I finish the PrevPac antibiotics (about one more week) We are working on a schedule for surgery. It will probably be early in May. May be my 57th birthday present! Only one more hurdle, apparently. The Cardiologist has not given the surgeon the report from the echo cardiogram. I have to call them today to get that report submitted. I assume I am not dying of heart disease since they did this test a week ago and I have heard nothing. We'll see.
Anyway, it looks like this may actually happen. Its been a long journey - over a year since I made the decision to have the surgery. Now to get the insurance company to pay for a therapeutic indoor pool. That will go over big at Conference!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Since this is "Anonymous"
I rarely pass on this kind of thing, but this is just too good:
R. J. Wiedemann LtCol. USMC Ret
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end"
I'm OK
Yesterday, I began to have some nausea in the morning, but by noon I was having severe stomach pain. I thought it might be the PrevPac causing the pain. So my wife called our internist for help. About two hours later we heard from his office, "Cut back on the medicine." Well, we were already on the way to the emergency room. (May be time to look for a new internist!) Anyway, after about 7 hours we got some help and some good legal narcotics and I am fine. By the way, can you see those elephants walking on the ceiling?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thank God for Friends and Family
I (we) make it through the two days of teaching this weekend. Lots of Ibuprofen. My wife was indispensable. I could not have done it without her. She had to sit in the lobby or car and read while I taught. What a wonderful wife I have!
I also have wonderful friends. On Friday night one of my dear friends called me after reading the previous post. He offered to come to my house on Saturday morning (he lives an hour away) and drive me to the Center, stay with me all day, drive me home, drive to his home and repeat the entire process the next day. He offered to do this so my wife would not have to.
Wow! I am a fortunate man. I would not be able to do this alone.
After a life of "self-sufficiency" I find myself almost totally dependent on others. This is a new reality. I hope after surgery I will regain some independence. In the meantime, I continue to take the antibiotics in the PrePak and hope that knocks out the bacteria so I can move ahead with the surgery. It has been a year since I made this decision. Maybe soon...
I also have wonderful friends. On Friday night one of my dear friends called me after reading the previous post. He offered to come to my house on Saturday morning (he lives an hour away) and drive me to the Center, stay with me all day, drive me home, drive to his home and repeat the entire process the next day. He offered to do this so my wife would not have to.
Wow! I am a fortunate man. I would not be able to do this alone.
After a life of "self-sufficiency" I find myself almost totally dependent on others. This is a new reality. I hope after surgery I will regain some independence. In the meantime, I continue to take the antibiotics in the PrePak and hope that knocks out the bacteria so I can move ahead with the surgery. It has been a year since I made this decision. Maybe soon...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Pain in the ...
I've been working on fund-raising for my favorite mission cause today. Met with old friends and mission supporters for lunch at our house. Only now got time for reflection at 3:09pm.
I have to teach at our conference center tomorrow and Sunday. All day. I cannot drive so my wife will have to go with me and stay with me. I ache so much with joint pain that sitting anywhere is getting to be tough. However, to sit in my electric scooter for 8 hours is no longer possible. My wheelchair is a little better. But that means my wife has to push me everywhere - no easy task. So I am filled with dread because of the pain I will be in on Sat and Sun, but also because of the pain my wife will experience because of me. So, I will just dread the days for me and her.
I am taking the Prevpac of antibiotics designed to kill the bacteria. Hope it works. It must for me to be able to have the surgery.
They took my hospital bed yesterday since I cannot lay down on it for more than an hour. My knees hurt so badly that sleeping in a bed is no longer possible. I sit in my chair most days, 24/7.
I really want to get this surgery done and move toward wellness and mobility. In the meantime, I just hurt.
Enough whining. But I still hurt...
I have to teach at our conference center tomorrow and Sunday. All day. I cannot drive so my wife will have to go with me and stay with me. I ache so much with joint pain that sitting anywhere is getting to be tough. However, to sit in my electric scooter for 8 hours is no longer possible. My wheelchair is a little better. But that means my wife has to push me everywhere - no easy task. So I am filled with dread because of the pain I will be in on Sat and Sun, but also because of the pain my wife will experience because of me. So, I will just dread the days for me and her.
I am taking the Prevpac of antibiotics designed to kill the bacteria. Hope it works. It must for me to be able to have the surgery.
They took my hospital bed yesterday since I cannot lay down on it for more than an hour. My knees hurt so badly that sleeping in a bed is no longer possible. I sit in my chair most days, 24/7.
I really want to get this surgery done and move toward wellness and mobility. In the meantime, I just hurt.
Enough whining. But I still hurt...
Monday, April 13, 2009
I Needed This Today
I hope you will appreciate this as much as I did today. I really needed to hear this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUN7Rw7srUM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUN7Rw7srUM
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Not So Fast
Well, we wait again. The nurse from the surgeon's office called Friday to tell me we need two more things. First and easiest is an echo cardiogram by the Cardiologist. That was easy to schedule for Tuesday. The second is not so easy. I have a high H-Pylori count. That means I have a bacteria in my upper GI and it needs treatment. The normal regimen is a 14 multiple antibiotic routine that is very effective. About 50% of the population has this. I probably got it from bad water in Mexico or Venezuela. It is possible to get it from pets, I think, but I prefer to think I got it from the other source to avoid blaming our dog or cat!
Anyway, the surgeon's office instructed me to call my internist to get Prev-pak of the antibiotic treatment. Of course, this was Good Friday afternoon and a call to the Dr.'s office resulted in leaving a message for the nurse. No call back Friday. I hope on Monday we can talk to her and the doctor will write/call in the prescription without requiring another office visit. After taking the treatment for 14 days, then I must have a second test to make sure it is gone. The surgeon will not do surgery until this is done.
So we wait. Patience is not my strong suit anway (to put it mildly) and having made the dicision to have the surgery over a year ago and still be waiting is frustrating. I was even slightly depressed yesterday afternoon. I think I am OK today, but frustrated with further delays. A part of me wants to scream, "It's never going to happen!" My good wife continues to reassure me with our faith. My times are in God's hands. He alone knows what tomorrow holds. He loves me and has my best interests in his hands. "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him." OK, Lord. I will trust you and believe this is all for my good. Now, let's get on with it...
Anyway, the surgeon's office instructed me to call my internist to get Prev-pak of the antibiotic treatment. Of course, this was Good Friday afternoon and a call to the Dr.'s office resulted in leaving a message for the nurse. No call back Friday. I hope on Monday we can talk to her and the doctor will write/call in the prescription without requiring another office visit. After taking the treatment for 14 days, then I must have a second test to make sure it is gone. The surgeon will not do surgery until this is done.
So we wait. Patience is not my strong suit anway (to put it mildly) and having made the dicision to have the surgery over a year ago and still be waiting is frustrating. I was even slightly depressed yesterday afternoon. I think I am OK today, but frustrated with further delays. A part of me wants to scream, "It's never going to happen!" My good wife continues to reassure me with our faith. My times are in God's hands. He alone knows what tomorrow holds. He loves me and has my best interests in his hands. "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him." OK, Lord. I will trust you and believe this is all for my good. Now, let's get on with it...
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Focus
The news this morning lifts up the problems of Global Warming (now PC: Climate Change), North Korea, Somali Pirates, Chavez and Obama, Our President bowing to a Saudi leader, TARP, Constitutional Violations of Congress, Cuba, Iran, Afganistan, Sharia Law in Europe and the US; just to name a few.
As I listened and watched, I realized my primary concern is my own health. A part of me feels great guilt at that reaction. For a lifetime, I have ignored my own well-being and justified it by focusing on the needs of others. This was baptized by my faith and work ethic (clearly Protestant work ethic). It was also validated by my Wesleyan theology of Inward and Outward holiness. However, I have always been more passionate about Outward Holiness because that focuses on doing good and loving others as opposed to being good and loving self. I have years of sermons to support this theology!
Now as I get closer and closer to life changing surgery, I am having to let go of so much outward focus and truly embrace an inward focus. I can do so in the name of helping myself for the sake of others. That is not the focus I need. This time I realize I have to focus on myself to be obedient to the Lord. This is God's will, I believe. Not for my wife, as much as she deserves and needs a husband. Not for my son or his wife our our grandchild, as much as that is self-validating. Not for the sake of the lost here or in that other country I love so much. All valid and good. But this has to be for me.
That is hard to write. Harder to read. Possible to do? I don't know. I sure do not have much of a track record of success with this. However, if I fail at this I cannot be successful in my relationships with those mentioned in the previous paragraph.
Lord, help me.
As I listened and watched, I realized my primary concern is my own health. A part of me feels great guilt at that reaction. For a lifetime, I have ignored my own well-being and justified it by focusing on the needs of others. This was baptized by my faith and work ethic (clearly Protestant work ethic). It was also validated by my Wesleyan theology of Inward and Outward holiness. However, I have always been more passionate about Outward Holiness because that focuses on doing good and loving others as opposed to being good and loving self. I have years of sermons to support this theology!
Now as I get closer and closer to life changing surgery, I am having to let go of so much outward focus and truly embrace an inward focus. I can do so in the name of helping myself for the sake of others. That is not the focus I need. This time I realize I have to focus on myself to be obedient to the Lord. This is God's will, I believe. Not for my wife, as much as she deserves and needs a husband. Not for my son or his wife our our grandchild, as much as that is self-validating. Not for the sake of the lost here or in that other country I love so much. All valid and good. But this has to be for me.
That is hard to write. Harder to read. Possible to do? I don't know. I sure do not have much of a track record of success with this. However, if I fail at this I cannot be successful in my relationships with those mentioned in the previous paragraph.
Lord, help me.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Now for the Insurance Approval
I spoke to the surgeon's office today and everything required for surgical approval is in to them. This was a mountain or paperwork from me, surgical clearances from a Nutritionist, Primary Care Physician, Cardiologist, Pulmonologist and Psychiatrist. All these did the appropriate tests (blood work, EKGs, Breathing Tests, X-rays, Psychological tests, etc.) and cleared me for surgery.
Now the surgeon's office will submit the entire packet to the Insurance Company and await their approval. Apparently this takes about a week. The nurse in the surgeon's office told me to call her next Monday if I have not heard anything and she will call the Insurance Company.
I then asked what would follow after insurance approval (assumed). She said we would schedule the surgery. So there is a chance I will be able to have the surgery before the end of the month. I hope so.
Decision Making is not difficult for me in most cases. This has been a difficult decision. However, once I make a decision, I am at peace and then simply move in the direction that leads. Time to get on with it! The decision is made. I believe this is my Rubicon. I cannot turn back. Only death awaits me there. So, let's go. Thanks for going with me on this journey. "Alea incta est" (The die is cast), Julius Caesar.
Now the surgeon's office will submit the entire packet to the Insurance Company and await their approval. Apparently this takes about a week. The nurse in the surgeon's office told me to call her next Monday if I have not heard anything and she will call the Insurance Company.
I then asked what would follow after insurance approval (assumed). She said we would schedule the surgery. So there is a chance I will be able to have the surgery before the end of the month. I hope so.
Decision Making is not difficult for me in most cases. This has been a difficult decision. However, once I make a decision, I am at peace and then simply move in the direction that leads. Time to get on with it! The decision is made. I believe this is my Rubicon. I cannot turn back. Only death awaits me there. So, let's go. Thanks for going with me on this journey. "Alea incta est" (The die is cast), Julius Caesar.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Palm Sunday
Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! The song of my soul joins with the voices of all those who have for 2000 years praised the Lord of Life on Palm Sunday. While I am confined to home this Sunday morning, in my heart I am standing by the side of the road looking, looking, waiting, waiting, hoping, hoping to catch a glimpse of the King of Glory as he passes by. Whether I see him or not, I join with the voices of the ages singing, "Hosanna!" I have known no greater joy in this life than giving praise and worship to the Messiah, the Christ, the Redeemer. And while my voice is silenced in the leading of public worship (at least this year) I cannot be quiet. I will sing out his praises. No rock will take my voice. Blessed is He who comes in the Name of the Lord!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Breathing Easy
I went to the Pulmonologist yesterday to get his letter of medical clearance for the surgery. Got it. However, it was not easy. Oh, I easily passed all the tests. But he was thorough! After waiting an hour and 15 minutes to see him he spent almost an hour with me. I did a breathing test in his office and went to out-patient lab at the hospital to draw blood from an artery to check the gas in my blood. I knew had gas, but never knew it was even in my blood! Anyway, about 4 hours later, he said OK and will send his letter to the surgeon.
This is the first time I have had any breathing tests. I was pleased that I passed so easily since I learned to smoke at age 8 and struggled with it most of my adolescent and adult life. I probably smoked cigarettes or cigars a total of 15-20 years. I had long periods of not smoking, starting when I was 17 and not resuming until I was 28 or 29. Then I smoked for several years, then quit again only to start again the day our son was killed and continued until after the turn of the century. I never smoked more than a pack a day except on rare occasions. For some of those years I smoked far less than a pack a day. I have not smoked at all in at least 7 years and plan to never smoke again. In fact, for the first time in my life, I detest the smell of tobacco smoke. Anyway, it was good to get the "all clear" after the years of abuse of my lungs.
How different the world is today than when I was a child. Everyone (almost) smoked or used snuff or chewing tobacco. Those who did not use were notable exceptions. I smoked my first cigarette at 8 years of age. Most of my friends were smoking by the age of ten or eleven. My doctor smoked. I knew preachers that smoked. The famous pastor of Atlanta First Methodist Church was known for his cigars. My sainted grandmother and grandfather used snuff and Papa smoked cigars and chewed tobacco. My dad smoked at least 2 packs a day. A pack of cigarettes cost $0.25. Cigars were $0.05. Available. Cheap. Acceptable. Normal. Highly Addictive. No wonder I got addicted to what former Surgeon General Everett Koop calls a substance "more addictive than cocaine."
I am thankful to be free of that aditction (today) and breathing easy. Thank the Lord for grace.
Now to tame the tiger that still controls my life. More to come about that...
This is the first time I have had any breathing tests. I was pleased that I passed so easily since I learned to smoke at age 8 and struggled with it most of my adolescent and adult life. I probably smoked cigarettes or cigars a total of 15-20 years. I had long periods of not smoking, starting when I was 17 and not resuming until I was 28 or 29. Then I smoked for several years, then quit again only to start again the day our son was killed and continued until after the turn of the century. I never smoked more than a pack a day except on rare occasions. For some of those years I smoked far less than a pack a day. I have not smoked at all in at least 7 years and plan to never smoke again. In fact, for the first time in my life, I detest the smell of tobacco smoke. Anyway, it was good to get the "all clear" after the years of abuse of my lungs.
How different the world is today than when I was a child. Everyone (almost) smoked or used snuff or chewing tobacco. Those who did not use were notable exceptions. I smoked my first cigarette at 8 years of age. Most of my friends were smoking by the age of ten or eleven. My doctor smoked. I knew preachers that smoked. The famous pastor of Atlanta First Methodist Church was known for his cigars. My sainted grandmother and grandfather used snuff and Papa smoked cigars and chewed tobacco. My dad smoked at least 2 packs a day. A pack of cigarettes cost $0.25. Cigars were $0.05. Available. Cheap. Acceptable. Normal. Highly Addictive. No wonder I got addicted to what former Surgeon General Everett Koop calls a substance "more addictive than cocaine."
I am thankful to be free of that aditction (today) and breathing easy. Thank the Lord for grace.
Now to tame the tiger that still controls my life. More to come about that...
Friday, March 27, 2009
water, water everywhere and all i do is drink
It may not sound like much, but changing 56 years of habit is hard. Yesterday I got the required 128oz of water. However, the frequency of elimination is not pleasant. In the past I drank coffee in the morning, about 20oz, a glass of beverage for lunch, usually tea or lemonade, about 16 oz, and a glass at dinner. I might have one more glass of water before bed and during the night. A typical day was 50-60oz, tops. Now I have to more than double that. Sounds easy. It is not if I have to go somewhere. Urgency is real and truly handicapped restrooms are not easily found except in medical buildings. Even those sometimes have the bare minimum in size and accessibility. So, timing the intake of 128 oz is critical!
More than you wanted to know? Just wait. It will get worse. I am trying to make sure to be candid with the journey. I need the honesty in order to be successful. Denial and deceit are powerful enemies. Candor and honesty are powerful friends. I need friends.
More than you wanted to know? Just wait. It will get worse. I am trying to make sure to be candid with the journey. I need the honesty in order to be successful. Denial and deceit are powerful enemies. Candor and honesty are powerful friends. I need friends.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I'm OK, You're ?
Yesterday the Psychiatrist visit went well. He said he would clear me for surgery. I guess you have to be really crazy to be disqualified! What could be crazier than undergoing major surgery with at 5-10% chance of dieing during surgery and then being able to only consume 2 oz of food at each meal thereafter? At least I am not that crazy.
Oh, wait. I am. Hopefully this gets me closer to the surgery and to a solution for a life long battle. 'Til later.
Oh, wait. I am. Hopefully this gets me closer to the surgery and to a solution for a life long battle. 'Til later.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Heart OK
I went to the Cardiologist yesterday to get a medical clearance for the surgery. He could not get me scheduled for a cardiac stress test because the table only supports 400lbs. However, after a cursory examination, a thorough review of my family history, my own medical history and symptoms, my blood-work, a review of the last two EKG's and the fact I survived major surgery last August, he gave the clearance. He said I was at "moderate risk" from the surgery. He said that was a "5-10% risk" of cardiac problems resulting from surgery. He said the normal risk is 5%. So he gave the the letter of medical clearance and we move ahead.
Today I go to the psychiatrist to get his clearance. This is a two hour interview/testing appointment. Maybe I can convince him of my sanity, although sometimes I wonder about it myself. Anyway, this is required by the insurance and surgeon.
I'm working on drinking the gallon a day. Saturday and Sunday were fine. No problem. Monday when I had to go to the doctor, I failed to get the full gallon. Only drank 80-85 oz instead of 128 needed. I will do better today, but with the appointment with the psychiatrist I will struggle with it. Bathroom breaks are the issue.
We had a big event for which we were responsible last Friday night. It was a source of great stress and was extremely tiring. While it went well, I was so tired that I could do nothing on Saturday. I hope this surgery will increase my stamina, something that has not been a problem in the past. This gives me more incentive to move ahead with the surgery.
Last night my 80 year old mother had a episode with symptoms similar to a stroke. My wife went to her house and my sister showed up and took her to the hospital. I sat here in my chair unable to get to mother or to the hospital. It was a very frustrating and helpless feeling. One more reason for the surgery. Fortunately, she apparently did not have a stroke and is much better this morning, more or less normal for her since she struggles with Parkinson s and Alzheimer's diseases. They will run tests and keep her in the hospital for a couple of days. She is our only surviving parent or grandparent and my wife and I appreciate all the time we have with her.
Today I go to the psychiatrist to get his clearance. This is a two hour interview/testing appointment. Maybe I can convince him of my sanity, although sometimes I wonder about it myself. Anyway, this is required by the insurance and surgeon.
I'm working on drinking the gallon a day. Saturday and Sunday were fine. No problem. Monday when I had to go to the doctor, I failed to get the full gallon. Only drank 80-85 oz instead of 128 needed. I will do better today, but with the appointment with the psychiatrist I will struggle with it. Bathroom breaks are the issue.
We had a big event for which we were responsible last Friday night. It was a source of great stress and was extremely tiring. While it went well, I was so tired that I could do nothing on Saturday. I hope this surgery will increase my stamina, something that has not been a problem in the past. This gives me more incentive to move ahead with the surgery.
Last night my 80 year old mother had a episode with symptoms similar to a stroke. My wife went to her house and my sister showed up and took her to the hospital. I sat here in my chair unable to get to mother or to the hospital. It was a very frustrating and helpless feeling. One more reason for the surgery. Fortunately, she apparently did not have a stroke and is much better this morning, more or less normal for her since she struggles with Parkinson s and Alzheimer's diseases. They will run tests and keep her in the hospital for a couple of days. She is our only surviving parent or grandparent and my wife and I appreciate all the time we have with her.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Quart Low
Well, I failed to get the full gallon of water in yesterday. I only got 3 of the 4 required quarts. Unusual circumstances... However, I have find a way to get it in each day in spite of circumstances. I have a great ability to rationalize and justify, or self deceive. So today I will do better, God willing. There i go again. God is willing. Am I?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Limbo
I feel like I am in limbo. I want to have the surgery, I need to have the surgery, but now i just wait...and patience has never been a strength. I have three doctors' appointments next week. Then another on April 1. Then, if OK, another appointment with the surgeon followed by insurance approval. Then hopefully I can have the surgery. But now I wait.
While I am waiting I am learning to drink water. I have never consumed enough water. This surgery requires the consumption of at least a gallon a day. In the past I would typically have coffee in the morning. 16 ounces of lemonade or tea for lunch and another 16 ounces at dinner. I rarely drank between meals. Now I am working on 128 ounces a day. Yesterday I exceeded 128oz. The day before I consumed about 100oz. The day before that, 128+oz. So progress is being made. But it is slow.
Now the doctor wants me to go on the South Beach diet prior to surgery. This requires additional food preparation time by my wife. She is overwhelmed with responsibilities at this time. I am struggling with asking her for more. However, I desperately need to get on with the diet. So my goal is to start that tomorrow (today's menus are already planned). I had cheese toast for breakfast, will have canned soup for lunch and she is bringing home Mexican food for dinner after picking up friends from the airport. So tomorrow I hope to get a better diet. I also recognize how easy it is to blame her and not take personal responsibility. Perhaps "blame" is not the right word. That seems to be too incriminating. The point is, I am responsible for my own food. I cannot blame others as an excuse. So, I will wait until tomorrow to do South Beach.
So we wait...and hope. I watched a couple of TV shows on Discovery health about people who have had this or similar surgery. Two were almost twice as heavy as I am. Two were not as heavy. The surgical successes and lifestyle changes were very encouraging. I honestly believe that I could be half the man I am today in less than two years. I will be 60 then either way, so I might as well go ahead and be 60 and 250 rather than 60 at 600 or dead. Of course, I may be dead anyway. But as I learned as a child, it is better to die trying than to just give up.
I am also working on my faith in this journey. The truth is sometimes I let my self perception overwhelm my awareness of God's perception of me. This can be either in the form of self-deception and denial of personal responsibility. It can also be deceptive in believing the lie of the enemy and not embrace God's unconditional love and acceptance of my through the grace of Jesus. So I still need to grow, remembering i am not my own, but am bought with a price. Thank God the price has been paid for me!
While I am waiting I am learning to drink water. I have never consumed enough water. This surgery requires the consumption of at least a gallon a day. In the past I would typically have coffee in the morning. 16 ounces of lemonade or tea for lunch and another 16 ounces at dinner. I rarely drank between meals. Now I am working on 128 ounces a day. Yesterday I exceeded 128oz. The day before I consumed about 100oz. The day before that, 128+oz. So progress is being made. But it is slow.
Now the doctor wants me to go on the South Beach diet prior to surgery. This requires additional food preparation time by my wife. She is overwhelmed with responsibilities at this time. I am struggling with asking her for more. However, I desperately need to get on with the diet. So my goal is to start that tomorrow (today's menus are already planned). I had cheese toast for breakfast, will have canned soup for lunch and she is bringing home Mexican food for dinner after picking up friends from the airport. So tomorrow I hope to get a better diet. I also recognize how easy it is to blame her and not take personal responsibility. Perhaps "blame" is not the right word. That seems to be too incriminating. The point is, I am responsible for my own food. I cannot blame others as an excuse. So, I will wait until tomorrow to do South Beach.
So we wait...and hope. I watched a couple of TV shows on Discovery health about people who have had this or similar surgery. Two were almost twice as heavy as I am. Two were not as heavy. The surgical successes and lifestyle changes were very encouraging. I honestly believe that I could be half the man I am today in less than two years. I will be 60 then either way, so I might as well go ahead and be 60 and 250 rather than 60 at 600 or dead. Of course, I may be dead anyway. But as I learned as a child, it is better to die trying than to just give up.
I am also working on my faith in this journey. The truth is sometimes I let my self perception overwhelm my awareness of God's perception of me. This can be either in the form of self-deception and denial of personal responsibility. It can also be deceptive in believing the lie of the enemy and not embrace God's unconditional love and acceptance of my through the grace of Jesus. So I still need to grow, remembering i am not my own, but am bought with a price. Thank God the price has been paid for me!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Getting Approvals and Signing Contracts
This morning I made appointments with a Cardiologist and a Pulmonologist to have them examine me, conduct the required tests and give me a medical clearance for surgery. These are required by the insurance company and the surgeon. The latest appointment is April 1. So we cannot expect all the paperwork to be to the Surgeon before early April, then he has to see me again and send in the medical packet to the insurance company to get their approval. Then, if that all goes well, I can have the surgery. I suspect this means about May 1, 2009.
I also made an appointment with a Dermatologist as recommended yesterday by my Primary Care Physician. I have a couple of lesions on my legs caused by my obesity and the inability to lay down. These are not infected, thank goodness. However, he wants me to have the Dermatologist to see what he can do about them before having surgery. He said, "You do not want to go into surgery with any open wounds!" Having just gotten over 4 months of treatment for Staph infection after my last surgery, I agree. So this is a preventative measure to make sure I am ready for surgery and face the smallest number of threats to my health as a result of surgery.
Last night I received a "Contract" from the Surgeon that I have to sign and return to the doctor. I also have to have my wife to sign it and have it witnessed by someone, all in the effort to create a team approach to the recovery and lifestyle changes required post-surgery. I list them here, somewhat modified to protect identity, so you can see what is required and so I can do more than sign a medical document (do you ever read them???), but internalize these requirements.
1. I will follow-up with the Surgeon as asked. At least every 3 months for one year, every six months for the next year, and at least annually thereafter.
2. I will not become pregnant for at least one year. (I like the easy ones since I am a male).
3. For the rest of my life I will take a daily multivitamin with iron and daily calcium supplement. (I took my first Flintstones vitamin yesterday. It was Fred, "Yabadabadoo!")
4. I will not take non-steriod anti-inflammatory medications (Motrin, Nuprin, Advil, ibuprofen, etc.) or medications containing aspirin without instructions and OK from the surgeon. (I take ibuprofen for arthritis. It works, somewhat. Will Tylenol work? I hope. I have asked my wife to pick up some Tylenol the next time she is in the store.)
5. I will not eat more than 2 ounces of food at one sitting. (No, that is not a typo. The food pouch - read stomach - can be stretched. To avoid future weight gain the pouch must stay small. As I understand it this is critical to success.)
6. I will eat mainly protein for the rest of my life. I will avoid eating or drinking carbohydrates, sugar, starch and fat. (I recognize this is not a choice if I want to get better. These will now be poison to me - or really already are.)
7. I will exercise three times a week. (This will require some help. My immobility makes this difficult. I need help with this. I do not mind exercise, fortunately. In fact I tend to enjoy it.)
8. I will attend support groups once a month. (I will have to work on this as my cynicism gets the best of me. I value effective support groups,but I have attended so many that were not helpful. I realize this is no excuse for avoiding them altogether. The best group I ever had was an accountability group which met once a week for over 10 years. Once of the members of that group has had this surgery and is willing to support me as a sponsor.)
9. I will contact the Surgeon before having any elective surgery or invasive procedures.
10. I will notify the Surgeon of any surgeries to be performed if possible.
11. I will follow up with my Primary Care Physician and get a comprehensive physical exam and routine lab work at least once a year. (At least one is easy since I have been doing this for several years.)
I also made an appointment with a Dermatologist as recommended yesterday by my Primary Care Physician. I have a couple of lesions on my legs caused by my obesity and the inability to lay down. These are not infected, thank goodness. However, he wants me to have the Dermatologist to see what he can do about them before having surgery. He said, "You do not want to go into surgery with any open wounds!" Having just gotten over 4 months of treatment for Staph infection after my last surgery, I agree. So this is a preventative measure to make sure I am ready for surgery and face the smallest number of threats to my health as a result of surgery.
Last night I received a "Contract" from the Surgeon that I have to sign and return to the doctor. I also have to have my wife to sign it and have it witnessed by someone, all in the effort to create a team approach to the recovery and lifestyle changes required post-surgery. I list them here, somewhat modified to protect identity, so you can see what is required and so I can do more than sign a medical document (do you ever read them???), but internalize these requirements.
1. I will follow-up with the Surgeon as asked. At least every 3 months for one year, every six months for the next year, and at least annually thereafter.
2. I will not become pregnant for at least one year. (I like the easy ones since I am a male).
3. For the rest of my life I will take a daily multivitamin with iron and daily calcium supplement. (I took my first Flintstones vitamin yesterday. It was Fred, "Yabadabadoo!")
4. I will not take non-steriod anti-inflammatory medications (Motrin, Nuprin, Advil, ibuprofen, etc.) or medications containing aspirin without instructions and OK from the surgeon. (I take ibuprofen for arthritis. It works, somewhat. Will Tylenol work? I hope. I have asked my wife to pick up some Tylenol the next time she is in the store.)
5. I will not eat more than 2 ounces of food at one sitting. (No, that is not a typo. The food pouch - read stomach - can be stretched. To avoid future weight gain the pouch must stay small. As I understand it this is critical to success.)
6. I will eat mainly protein for the rest of my life. I will avoid eating or drinking carbohydrates, sugar, starch and fat. (I recognize this is not a choice if I want to get better. These will now be poison to me - or really already are.)
7. I will exercise three times a week. (This will require some help. My immobility makes this difficult. I need help with this. I do not mind exercise, fortunately. In fact I tend to enjoy it.)
8. I will attend support groups once a month. (I will have to work on this as my cynicism gets the best of me. I value effective support groups,but I have attended so many that were not helpful. I realize this is no excuse for avoiding them altogether. The best group I ever had was an accountability group which met once a week for over 10 years. Once of the members of that group has had this surgery and is willing to support me as a sponsor.)
9. I will contact the Surgeon before having any elective surgery or invasive procedures.
10. I will notify the Surgeon of any surgeries to be performed if possible.
11. I will follow up with my Primary Care Physician and get a comprehensive physical exam and routine lab work at least once a year. (At least one is easy since I have been doing this for several years.)
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Journey Continues
Bariatric Journal
March 9, 2009
The journey to Bariatric Bypass surgery is going full tilt now. I wrote a long list of diet attempts and regimens and failures over the last 50 years. Pretty depressing accounts. I have worked and prayed and hoped and spent a boatload of money of cures for my obesity. I have failed. I weigh 545 lbs and am crippled. I am disabled (since July 1, 2008) and am applying for Social Security Disability. I cannot drive or walk. I stay home most days with my wife and need assistance from her with every single physical function. This is quite humbling and humiliating. Thank God for such a loving and caring wife. With all of the things I have messed up at in life, I got that one right. But I cannot even claim that. She is a true gift from God.
I went to the Bariatric Surgeon about a week ago and he said he could help me. I had been recommended to him by the Surgeon who did my two hernia surgeries and a dear friend who had the procedure a couple of years ago. His nurse then outlined the process I would have to go through to be able to have the surgery.
The greatest hurdle is dealing with the insurance company, even though we have coverage for the surgery. In typical fashion, the insurance company multiplies red tape and time tables. After a week of contacting them, the surgeon’s office finally got a call back today. So, we are off to the races.
I now have an appointment with my Internist, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist and will see a cardiologist, all of whom have to clear me for surgery. Additionally I have to have blood tests for specific things, chest ex-ray, clearance from a Pulmonologist, Cardiac stress test, etc. Once all is done and submitted to the insurance company, I have to wait for their approval before we can schedule the surgery.
However at least we are making progress toward that goal. I had intended to start this process last September after returning from the first graduation of the Seminary in Latin America. Unfortunately, I had to have emergency hernia surgery and subsequently got a staph infection that took over four months to treat. I also lost the use of my right leg and am now unable to walk at all.
But I am optimistic. After 50 years of failure, I trust this process will be a success and I will lose enough weight to be mobile again and be able to have knee replacement surgery. I have to “get down to” 300 pounds to have that procedure done. I have to have both knees replaced and will have a year of surgery and recovery from those procedures. But that is far in the future and not worth worrying about.
Now I just deal with insurance representatives, red tape, doctors and assistants and try to move forward as quickly as possible. I thought things moved slowly in the church, but I have discovered non-emergency medical issues move even slower, especially through the bureaucracy of health insurance.
However, instead of being aggravated, I am thankful for a competent and respected surgeon who says he can help me, medical insurance to pay for it, an employer that provides such good health coverage, a family who is supportive and the opportunity for a change. I do not think I have serious illusions about this. I know that my life after surgery will never be the same. But I am desperate. I cannot go on this way. Something has to change or I will continue to deteriorate and die much earlier than necessary. So I am hopeful and thankful. And scared. But hopeful and thankful. And scared…
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I went to the Nutritionist yesterday as required by the surgeon and the insurance company. She was a lovely lady and most helpful and encouraging. She spoke very favorably of the surgeon. She has seen a number of his patients and seen the success of the surgery and new lifestyle. She says my ideal weight is 250 in spite of the charts. This was due to my skeletal frame. I was thrilled. I remember 250 – just barely! However, all previous consultants simply looked at the height/weight chart and told me I should weigh 175. I knew that was not possible, but what do I know!
Then she told me I can expect to loose between 4 and 7 pounds a week after surgery. So if I need to go from 545lbs. to 250lbs. and actually loose 4 pounds a week, that means 74 weeks to get to my ideal weight. Assuming a surgery date of May 1, that means I will see 250lbs. by the end of 2010 if not sooner.
Since my orthopedist told me I could have knee replacement surgery, I would look at about next summer for the first surgery and January, 2011 for the second. Perhaps I will actually be mobile again by April, 2011! I can live with that.
The Nutritionist also told me I must have the ability to do aquatic exercises as soon as possible. She said we should build a pool and get the doctor to write the prescription for it and perhaps my insurance will pay for it. We will see. I believe it is a very long shot that insurance will pay for it since I have enough trouble getting them to approve an antibiotic!
That was all the good news. As she informed me of my diet after surgery I was overwhelmed. I understand from others that this works, is completely possible and satisfying. However, 2 ounces of food per meal (two medicine cups like you use to take cold medicine) does not seem possible. Additionally, I will have to drink a gallon of water every day for the rest of my life. She really wants me to drink 2 gallons. I’ll just move to the bathroom and set up my computer and TV and phone in there!
Anyway, the discipline after the surgery is the big issue. I pray I can do this successfully. I have no other choice. Do or die – really.
As an aside, it came out in the interview that I am a minister and pastured a large church in the area. She told me about her husband who is scheduled for surgery for aneurisms in the next couple of days in Houston, TX. She asked if I would pray for him. I asked if we could pray right there and she gladly said yes. So we prayed for him (Wayne). her and the medical staff. She wiped the tears from her eyes as we left. It is good to serve while being served!
Today we go to the internist to get Medical Clearance from him and set up other appointments including a Cardiologist and a Pulmonologist. We proceed…
March 11, 2009
3:45 pm
I just got back from the Internist. He assured me he would do all he had to do to give me the Clearance Letter required for surgery including all tests. He also gave me referrals to a Cardiologist and Pulmonologist. He was pleased I am taking this step since he had recommended it some time ago.
As the nurse was drawing blood for the lab tests, we began a conversation as she asked me what surgery I was going to have (must have been something on the form). I told her and she was very encouraging. However, she also said a word of warning to me. She had the surgery in 2001 and had some infection complications. She also did not do the proper follow-up and ate anything she wanted. She has regained a lot of her weight. She also told of every celebrity for whom this had happened. She assured me I would do well and was pleased the surgeon said he probably could do my surgery arthroscopically. She reminded me inadvertently that I must do what the doctors say and not fool myself with the self deceit that I know better than they do. Thank you Lord for the word of warning today.
March 9, 2009
The journey to Bariatric Bypass surgery is going full tilt now. I wrote a long list of diet attempts and regimens and failures over the last 50 years. Pretty depressing accounts. I have worked and prayed and hoped and spent a boatload of money of cures for my obesity. I have failed. I weigh 545 lbs and am crippled. I am disabled (since July 1, 2008) and am applying for Social Security Disability. I cannot drive or walk. I stay home most days with my wife and need assistance from her with every single physical function. This is quite humbling and humiliating. Thank God for such a loving and caring wife. With all of the things I have messed up at in life, I got that one right. But I cannot even claim that. She is a true gift from God.
I went to the Bariatric Surgeon about a week ago and he said he could help me. I had been recommended to him by the Surgeon who did my two hernia surgeries and a dear friend who had the procedure a couple of years ago. His nurse then outlined the process I would have to go through to be able to have the surgery.
The greatest hurdle is dealing with the insurance company, even though we have coverage for the surgery. In typical fashion, the insurance company multiplies red tape and time tables. After a week of contacting them, the surgeon’s office finally got a call back today. So, we are off to the races.
I now have an appointment with my Internist, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist and will see a cardiologist, all of whom have to clear me for surgery. Additionally I have to have blood tests for specific things, chest ex-ray, clearance from a Pulmonologist, Cardiac stress test, etc. Once all is done and submitted to the insurance company, I have to wait for their approval before we can schedule the surgery.
However at least we are making progress toward that goal. I had intended to start this process last September after returning from the first graduation of the Seminary in Latin America. Unfortunately, I had to have emergency hernia surgery and subsequently got a staph infection that took over four months to treat. I also lost the use of my right leg and am now unable to walk at all.
But I am optimistic. After 50 years of failure, I trust this process will be a success and I will lose enough weight to be mobile again and be able to have knee replacement surgery. I have to “get down to” 300 pounds to have that procedure done. I have to have both knees replaced and will have a year of surgery and recovery from those procedures. But that is far in the future and not worth worrying about.
Now I just deal with insurance representatives, red tape, doctors and assistants and try to move forward as quickly as possible. I thought things moved slowly in the church, but I have discovered non-emergency medical issues move even slower, especially through the bureaucracy of health insurance.
However, instead of being aggravated, I am thankful for a competent and respected surgeon who says he can help me, medical insurance to pay for it, an employer that provides such good health coverage, a family who is supportive and the opportunity for a change. I do not think I have serious illusions about this. I know that my life after surgery will never be the same. But I am desperate. I cannot go on this way. Something has to change or I will continue to deteriorate and die much earlier than necessary. So I am hopeful and thankful. And scared. But hopeful and thankful. And scared…
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I went to the Nutritionist yesterday as required by the surgeon and the insurance company. She was a lovely lady and most helpful and encouraging. She spoke very favorably of the surgeon. She has seen a number of his patients and seen the success of the surgery and new lifestyle. She says my ideal weight is 250 in spite of the charts. This was due to my skeletal frame. I was thrilled. I remember 250 – just barely! However, all previous consultants simply looked at the height/weight chart and told me I should weigh 175. I knew that was not possible, but what do I know!
Then she told me I can expect to loose between 4 and 7 pounds a week after surgery. So if I need to go from 545lbs. to 250lbs. and actually loose 4 pounds a week, that means 74 weeks to get to my ideal weight. Assuming a surgery date of May 1, that means I will see 250lbs. by the end of 2010 if not sooner.
Since my orthopedist told me I could have knee replacement surgery, I would look at about next summer for the first surgery and January, 2011 for the second. Perhaps I will actually be mobile again by April, 2011! I can live with that.
The Nutritionist also told me I must have the ability to do aquatic exercises as soon as possible. She said we should build a pool and get the doctor to write the prescription for it and perhaps my insurance will pay for it. We will see. I believe it is a very long shot that insurance will pay for it since I have enough trouble getting them to approve an antibiotic!
That was all the good news. As she informed me of my diet after surgery I was overwhelmed. I understand from others that this works, is completely possible and satisfying. However, 2 ounces of food per meal (two medicine cups like you use to take cold medicine) does not seem possible. Additionally, I will have to drink a gallon of water every day for the rest of my life. She really wants me to drink 2 gallons. I’ll just move to the bathroom and set up my computer and TV and phone in there!
Anyway, the discipline after the surgery is the big issue. I pray I can do this successfully. I have no other choice. Do or die – really.
As an aside, it came out in the interview that I am a minister and pastured a large church in the area. She told me about her husband who is scheduled for surgery for aneurisms in the next couple of days in Houston, TX. She asked if I would pray for him. I asked if we could pray right there and she gladly said yes. So we prayed for him (Wayne). her and the medical staff. She wiped the tears from her eyes as we left. It is good to serve while being served!
Today we go to the internist to get Medical Clearance from him and set up other appointments including a Cardiologist and a Pulmonologist. We proceed…
March 11, 2009
3:45 pm
I just got back from the Internist. He assured me he would do all he had to do to give me the Clearance Letter required for surgery including all tests. He also gave me referrals to a Cardiologist and Pulmonologist. He was pleased I am taking this step since he had recommended it some time ago.
As the nurse was drawing blood for the lab tests, we began a conversation as she asked me what surgery I was going to have (must have been something on the form). I told her and she was very encouraging. However, she also said a word of warning to me. She had the surgery in 2001 and had some infection complications. She also did not do the proper follow-up and ate anything she wanted. She has regained a lot of her weight. She also told of every celebrity for whom this had happened. She assured me I would do well and was pleased the surgeon said he probably could do my surgery arthroscopically. She reminded me inadvertently that I must do what the doctors say and not fool myself with the self deceit that I know better than they do. Thank you Lord for the word of warning today.
Struggle and Failure
Weight Loss Struggle and Failure History
March 9, 2009
Birth 1952 9lbs 10oz
1958 - weighed 77 lbs in the first grade.
1959 - 99 lbs in the second grade.
During elementary school Pediatrician put me on a limited calorie diet and diet pills. This was not successful. I do not remember why.
I played football beginning in the fourth grade and was periodically on strict diets of broiled fish and chicken and vegetables, often under a doctor’s care.
1966 - In the ninth grade I was doing 3 two hour practices a day and on 2,000 calories a day. I lost down to 196 lbs. We changed to two practices a day and I stayed on the diet and began to gain weight.
I gained weight all through high school graduating in 1970. I played football and worked part-time and fulltime manual labor jobs such as carpentry, textile plant, farm worker, etc.
College AA, 1970-1972. Worked fulltime as land surveyor. Attempted several limited calorie diets, but failed and continued to gain weight.
College BA 1972-1974. Pastored a church while going to school fulltime. Married 1973. Attempted several restricted calorie diets. Failed and gained weight all through college.
Seminary Masters of Divinity, 1974-1977.
1976 Diet of 500 calories a day, and B12 injections. Lost 50 lbs. Then increased calories and gained back all the weight and more.
1978 Weight loss specialist placed on limited calorie diet and exercise regime. He informed me I would have to live on 2000 a day for the rest of my life or gain back any weight loss. He said I had the slowest metabolism of any one he had ever examined. I cannot remember how much I lost. Probably 60lbs or more. I increased caloric intake and started gaining weight.
1982 became a participant in a Cambridge Diet study group at
1983-1990 Attempted several diets such as Weight Watchers, Atkins, Limited Calorie. All resulted in weight loss and afterward weight gain.
1993
1996 eldest son killed in accident. I compensated with food and gained weight for the next several years.
1999 Atkins diet. Six months lost 60lbs. Reintroduced carbs and gained it all back and more. Also employed 1hour of exercise at least 4 times a week for a year. No significant weight loss.
2000 instructed by Othopedist, to no longer use treadmill or walking because of the condition of my knees.
2000-2008 Several attempts to do Atkins again, all were short-term successes followed by more weight gain.
I have become completely crippled, unable to walk at all and weigh 545lbs. I went on disability July 1, 2008 due to my knees and weight. I am also unable to sleep in a bed because of the condition of my knees.
In 2002 I founded a Seminary in
I have been very active all my life until my disability stopped that. I played all sports, was a hunter and fisherman. I worked hard at my ministry with significant success. I founded schools, counseling centers, crisis pregnancy centers, seminary, etc. I am a disciplined worker and was a very active person. However, I have had a lifetime of struggle and failure with my weight. I am built just like my maternal grandfather and my only maternal male cousin could almost be my twin.
I have to do something!
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