Focus

The news this morning lifts up the problems of Global Warming (now PC: Climate Change), North Korea, Somali Pirates, Chavez and Obama, Our President bowing to a Saudi leader, TARP, Constitutional Violations of Congress, Cuba, Iran, Afganistan, Sharia Law in Europe and the US; just to name a few.

As I listened and watched, I realized my primary concern is my own health. A part of me feels great guilt at that reaction. For a lifetime, I have ignored my own well-being and justified it by focusing on the needs of others. This was baptized by my faith and work ethic (clearly Protestant work ethic). It was also validated by my Wesleyan theology of Inward and Outward holiness. However, I have always been more passionate about Outward Holiness because that focuses on doing good and loving others as opposed to being good and loving self. I have years of sermons to support this theology!

Now as I get closer and closer to life changing surgery, I am having to let go of so much outward focus and truly embrace an inward focus. I can do so in the name of helping myself for the sake of others. That is not the focus I need. This time I realize I have to focus on myself to be obedient to the Lord. This is God's will, I believe. Not for my wife, as much as she deserves and needs a husband. Not for my son or his wife our our grandchild, as much as that is self-validating. Not for the sake of the lost here or in that other country I love so much. All valid and good. But this has to be for me.

That is hard to write. Harder to read. Possible to do? I don't know. I sure do not have much of a track record of success with this. However, if I fail at this I cannot be successful in my relationships with those mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Lord, help me.