Waiting...

Well, its been a slow time around here. I did go to the hospital last week for an ultrasound on my legs to check for trombones, or was it Thrombosis? Anyway, neither were found. I understand this is a good thing.

Actually the Surgeon had sent me to a Vascular Surgeon who will be in the operating room. As soon as I am "under" he will install a screen or filter in my carotid artery or jugular vein (I can't remember which). This is a precaution just in case a blood clot were to form or break loose during or soon after surgery. There is no indication that will be a problem, but the precaution is wise. A surgeon friend was pleased they would be doing this. Anyway, the Vascular Surgeon wanted the ultrasound as a baseline for his work in surgery.

This week I talked with the registration nurse at the Hospital. This is to handle all the pre-registration stuff so when I go in on June 10 all we have to do is sign some forms. She also questioned me as to readiness for surgery. She seemed most pleased with my current state. She did tell me to take no more Ibuprophen. It acts as a bloodthinner. Apparently, having thin blood is not good during surgery.

I have nothing else I can take for arthritis pain control, so I am already in some severe pain. I will call the surgeon today to see if there is anything other than Tylenol. It is of absolutely no value.

Today we take delivery of a new recliner. This will be the third one we have tried to provide me with some relief and to elevate my feet. We also tried a hospital bed. Nothing has worked so far. I am confined to my big leather chair and am unable to lean back or elevate my feet. I sincerely hope this will work. My "sitter" is about worn out after being in this chair 24/7 for the last 8 months.

I have also investigated both an excercise pool and a recumbant bike. I will need to do some serious excercise after this surgery. The excercise pool has the following obstacles to overcome: 1) The pool will cost about $25,000. 2) It has to be indoors which means I will have construct a space for another $25,000-$50,000. 3) I have not yet figured out how to get into and out of the pool while I am still immobile.

The recumbant bike simply is not on the market for me. I have done extensive internet research and have been unsuccessful finding the right product. I have to have a "walk-through" or "pass through" model with a swivel seat. Nothing yet.

Since I am trying to be totally honest on this blog, I need to say I am dealing with some mild depression for the first time in my life, other than for a brief time following the death of a child. I realized it last night when I was awake again in the middle of the night, unable to sleep and in some real pain. Before I knew it, my random free thinking had me working out taking an OD of sleeping pills and wondering if I could wait until Friday night since our son is returning from an out of town trip on Saturday.

Fortunately, as soon as I realized I had actually thought this, I "shook" myself back to conciousness. I have dealt with many suicides in 37 years of ministry. It is the most selfish thing a person could do and totally contrary to the Gospel. I would not do that. However, the fact that I thought of it in a semi-conciuous state shook me to be fully awake. This depression is something I must be aware of and guard against before surgery and especially afterward. It is also something I need to be unashamed to admit if and when it raises its head again.

What do I have to look forward to? I fully expect to loose 200-250lbs over the next 12 months. I expect some vastly increased mobility. I expect being able to travel back to our seminary in Venezuela. I expect to be able to go to family gatherings. Most of all, I want to go back to church! I want to sing in an ensemble or a choir. I want to be able to teach and preach again. That has been my life for 37 years and I am not ready to completely leave it behind.

Now my fiirst goal is to be able to go to the bathroom by myself! TMI? Sorry. Welcome to my world.